EPISODE 253 OF THE HINT OF HUSTLE PODCAST

EPISODE SUMMARY

The pressure of being a visible leader, the second-guessing before a launch, the vulnerability hangover after a big talk, the spiral when something doesn’t land… all of that lands on you. Nobody’s coming to save you in your business. Not a mentor, not a mastermind, not the next program you buy. So if you don’t know how to manage what’s happening between your ears, it will burn you out faster than a full calendar.

This episode is about self-leadership. Specifically, the three internal roles that are competing for control of your thinking at any given moment and why most leaders are stuck in the wrong one almost all the time.

This episode gets into:
– why leadership is lonelier than anyone warns you about, and what that actually costs you
– the Critic, the Coach, and the Cheerleader roles and how to use all three on purpose
– why your brain defaults to critic mode (and why that’s not entirely your fault)
– what my two-year-old taught me about praising yourself
– how to shift out of a negative spiral without fake positivity or toxic optimism
– why self-leadership is the foundation of every room you walk into
– why stepping up as an external leader is actually one of the best ways to improve your self-leadership
– what your business can and cannot grow beyond without this internal work in place

The Three Voices Running Your Business (And How to Put the Right One in Charge)

Nobody warns you how lonely it is to be the leader.

When you’re an employee, you have peers to commiserate with, a boss to bring problems to, a team to lean on. But when you’re the leader — whether that’s running your own business or holding a position where the buck stops with you — there’s no one to stabilize your thinking when things get hard. No one to talk you off the ledge. No one to tell you whether the spiral you’re in at 11pm is rational or completely off base.

That’s on you.

And if you don’t know how to manage what’s happening between your ears, your thinking will run your business for you. And not in a good way.

The Problem Nobody Talks About

There’s a common thing that happens when leaders rise to new levels of visibility. They say yes to a bigger stage. They launch something new. They step into a room where the stakes feel higher than usual.

And their brain absolutely loses it.

Second-guessing. Spiraling. Convincing themselves they’re not ready, they prepared wrong, they said the wrong thing, they came across wrong. The vulnerability hangover after a big talk where everyone says it was great and you still don’t believe them.

This isn’t a confidence issue, it’s a lack of self-leadership problem. And most high achievers have never been taught how to handle it.

The Critic, The Coach, and The Cheerleader

I use this framework with every client I work with.

You know those cartoons from childhood — devil on one shoulder, angel on the other? Replace those two with three: the Critic, the Coach, and the Cheerleader.

You cycle through all three. The question is which one is running the show.

The Critic points out everything wrong. Too slow. Too flat. Should have said that differently. Why did I even try this? You need a critic to refine and improve — but when it runs on autopilot with no direction, it’s not helpful. It’s destructive.

The Cheerleader celebrates wins, praises progress, acknowledges effort. Most high achievers are terrible at this. We brush off compliments, skip the celebration, move straight to the next thing. Which quietly tells your brain: the work is never good enough.

The Coach asks questions and moves forward. Not dwelling on what went wrong, not fake-positive either. Exploratory and decision-focused. What’s the goal? What are we trying to solve? What do I do with this? The coach is the role that actually moves you.

Here’s the hard truth: if you put your internal dialogue over a given day into a pie chart, the majority of that pie is almost certainly critic. Not coach. Not cheerleader.

Critic.

And until you become conscious of that, it just keeps running.

The Brooksie High Five

My two-year-old, Brooks, has been doing puzzles lately.

A few months ago he couldn’t figure out how to connect two pieces. We’d sit together, I’d show him, we’d do it side by side. And then one day he did it himself.

Instead of just praising him, I wanted him to get excited for himself. So I taught him the Brooksie High Five. Hand in the air, high five, “GO ME!”

Now I hear him doing it around the house spontaneously. Every time he figures something out. “Yeah Brooksie, go me! High five.”

And I’ll tell you the truth: watching a two-year-old celebrate himself more naturally than most of my adult clients do was eye opening.

We don’t praise ourselves enough. We treat it like it’s indulgent or embarrassing. But praising yourself is data you’re feeding your brain about what’s working. Tell your brain you’re doing well and it starts looking for more evidence that you’re doing well. That’s not toxic positivity, it’s literally how brains work.

If you suck at this (and most of us do), start small. Write down five things every day that you’re proud of. Not just wins, real moments. A good gym session. A conversation with a friend. Showing up when you didn’t want to. Give yourself a Brooksie high five.

What Self-Coaching Actually Looks Like

The move most people make when they catch themselves in critic mode is to swing hard to cheerleader. Just be positive. Be grateful. I should be happy I have this opportunity.

But that’s not coaching. You’re just avoiding it with a smile.

Real self-coaching is exploratory and then decisive. It sounds like: what’s the problem I’m actually trying to solve right now? What are three ways I could approach this? What do I actually want to decide?

You’re not looking for the first answer that comes up. The first answer is usually the loudest and most fear-based. You want to explore, then decide.

One of the best ways to do this is out loud. Go for a walk and talk to yourself like you’re on a phone call. Journal through it. Pretend you’re coaching a client through the exact situation you’re in. What would you tell them?

We’re not trying to eliminate negative thoughts (that’s not realistic).

The goal is to become conscious of which role is running your thinking, and take back the reins when it’s working against you.

Why This Is the Foundation of Everything

Your business will only grow to the level of problems you can manage. I’d take that a step further: your business will only grow to the level of your communication — including the communication you have with yourself.

Every room you walk into.
Every stage you step onto.
Every video you record.

It’s all shaped by what’s happening internally. The calm, magnetic presence that makes people want to follow you doesn’t come from tactics. It comes from knowing how to lead yourself when things get hard.

And the good news is this is a trainable skill. You’re not going to flip a switch. But you put in the reps, and one day soon you just notice that your thoughts are different. You’re built differently. More resilient. More steady.

Listen to the full episode for more.

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

📧Get the Hint of Heather newsletter each Friday: https://heathersager.com/newsletter

🎧 The Bitter B Trap episode: https://heathersager.com/episode250/

🎧 Executive Presence episode: https://heathersager.com/episode252/

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